So often when I come home I just want to think my thoughts. I am so tired of writing papers, putting together projects, and all of the other mundane assignments. Last night in my class we spent four hours working on an imaginary budget. I am not very good at budgeting my own expenses, let alone a budget that a superintendent would do. We were given no instruction on how to do this, and instead, muddled our way through the whole process (oh, and I was taught that I should learn to read by the professor).
I went to grad school to become a better teacher and open up options. Instead it seems that I have eliminated the possibility for becoming an administrator, curriculum coordinator, or any other major leadership role. I remember feeling so excited about running my own school the first term of my program, but I am so far from that thought now.
I've been feeling that school is set up so wrong. When I think back to the number of experiences in school that had no meaning, I can't even remember them because they left no impact. I worry that I do that as a teacher. I try not to, but it is so challenging to completely avoid teaching something that students don't need because it is required that we teach it. Sometimes I feel like we should go back to a trade program where people pick an interest and follow an expert.
There are so many things that I want to change in the world around me, but I have no comprehension of how to accomplish it. Why can't I love something and just do it? And if I want to change my mind, I can't without going back to school or throwing money for something else that I might change my mind on. A society couldn't function that way if we all felt that was how we all felt. I just wish things weren't so permanent.
What a random blabbing on this blog. At the end of the day I have to consider all of the moments that make me happy for the life I live. Sometimes I just have moments where I want more. Is it so selfish to want more in this only life that we live?
For now, I just want my bed.